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One day you lose something, and you say: ‘Oh my God. I was happy. And I didn’t even know it.’
-Unknown, Humans of New York (via middecember)
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My new sounds:

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My new sounds:

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nineteen, and a day

Same time last year, I was lying on one of the hospital beds lined up in an orthopedic hospital miles away from here, from our home, from this comfortable chair that I’m sitting in right now, far away from the comfort of my wooden, writing table that my dad got from a close friend not a long time ago. Probably, I was sleeping, or more likely screaming from pain. Either way, I was in a worse position, far worse than any position that I’ve been in for the past nineteen years of existence – in that case, I was in my worst position. The memory is still, and will forever stay in my head, like names of lovers carved in a broad tree resting in the middle of the park. No matter what I do, the memories had made their way to the deepest part of my head, and this is a fact that I must hold on to for the rest of my life. I can still feel the pain of last year like it just happened minutes ago. And it might take me a lifetime to get over it.

On the 24th of July, the day on the year 1995 when I was born, but the following just happened recently, this year 2014. I woke up to the sound of my mom and my sister greeting me a very happy birthday. Mom even made cards for me, which is the sweetest thing, well because it was mom. I really didn’t know what to expect before the 24th. I didn’t feel like celebrating it, I just lost all the excitement that birthdays used to bring me. Maybe it was because I was growing older, or just because of the experience that I had the same time last year, or I don’t know. Nonetheless, dad came home from work to pick us up after lunch so we could go to places. On the way, dad had to talk to certain people so we had to wait inside the car, which was never a bad thing, considering the fine songs that I heard on the radio that day. After a few trips from here and there, we went to my old college right away so I can have a talk with our Dean. As far as I can remember, we spent a good thirty minutes talking about me, my concerns and plans. It was nice that everything had flown easily because she let me do so. I was able to tell her what just happened, and that another plot has unfold, and I have to take some time off to do things and discover stuff. It was a nice experience. In a cold room filled with chairs but was separated from the crowd of busy students by a thick glass, we sat there and I talked and she listened, though it was the other way at some time. After I mapped out where I’m heading to, Dean didn’t forgot to great me a happy birthday again and walked out of the room. So I was left in the room, looking through the glass, seeing the students that used to be my schoolmates laughing, chatting and studying, and I was sitting there imagining that I used to be them, but I’ve been forced to be not like them for a while. Before my thoughts ate me, mom and sister came to pick me up so we could go to our next destination already, but before anything else, I convinced them to let me stay for a while on the school’s cafeteria, for I needed to eat the usual food that I always eat when I was still there, and feel the stink of the canteen stick to my shirt, which on that day, to my sweater. So I sat there, looking at the students’ faces and wondered why I can’t recognize a face, not until my old friends came. It was, more than anything, calming to know that they haven’t forgotten me yet after all this time that I was gone. So because I missed them a lot, I sat in one of their classes, good thing the professor allowed me to do so. Sitting at a plastic, maybe fiber glass school chair, it just brought back a lot of memories. So I closed my eyes for a few seconds. I decided to let the cold air that came from the room’s air condition get into my skin, until my senses told me that I was in a cold room, with students murmuring around, and a professor leading the discussion. I used to be in the same kind of situation for almost every day of my last two years at the college, and I never thought that a day would come where I will long for the artificial air that comes from a machine that is attached to one of the four walls of a room filled with dreamers. I lasted about an hour before I decided to be pushed out of the classroom and into the elevators, then to my family. One last look, then I bid goodbye and see you soon to the institution that gave me a lot of opportunities to be a better person.

After that, we went to different places, then to a mall, an arcade, and then finally to a restaurant where we ate our dinner, then we head out before the midnight so we could get home before the clock strikes twelve. At home, as I was trying to remember the day, the scenes just were to blurry. But the talk with our Dean where I laid out all the plans that I have for the next days, weeks, months of my life, that I wouldn’t forget.

So where do I go from here?

What can a nineteen year-old me do?

I really don’t know the precise answer, but I do have some glimpse, and something inside tells me to “surprise others” but mostly, “surprise myself”. 

Nineteen. I’m about to say goodbye to a teenage life that I believe I never wasted. Looking forward, I am not afraid to take chances and be something bigger, greater. 

So I will. I will and will be.

(Originally posted on my Wordpress: http://theboguspundit.wordpress.com/2014/07/25/nineteen-and-a-day/)

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